


Pups!

by Fun_In_A_Shotgun_Shell



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Petstuck (Homestuck), Cute fluffy babies, Dave fucking loves baby trolls, Gamzee the boof dad, M/M, Stressed Grandpa John, Tavros is taking no one's shit today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fun_In_A_Shotgun_Shell/pseuds/Fun_In_A_Shotgun_Shell
Summary: John's a goof and didn't know that trolls were hermaphrodites, and proceeds to flip his shit when Tavros gets pregnant. 100% Dad mode and 200% grandpa mode.





	Pups!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleSnowCloud](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSnowCloud/gifts).



Recently, John's been seeing less and less of Tavros' playful-self. He lays around not bothering to get up for hours and eats nearly double what did before, gaining an alarming amount of weight.

John's first thought was maybe to cut back on Tavros' food but immediately realized the food wasn't the problem. He didn't buy expensive Troll-Iams crap for no damn reason. Tavvy needed a vet. And so, with little fight, he took his boys to the vet.

The office was sterile and white with pictures of baby trolls hung beside the door. Maybe this vet had trolls too? John had only seen her once, and though her country accent was a bit on the thick side he did enjoy how friendly she was.

"Mornin', Mr. Egbert, you can just set Tavvy down" The veterinarian gestured to the metal table when she popped through the door and pulled on some gloves. "Wanna fill me in? What's got tavvy-wavvy all down?"

"Uh, well, Tavros hasn't been active lately and I'm just starting to get kinda worried about all of this weight he's been putting on," John said with obvious concern, but the vet didn't seem too worried. She was beaming down at the fat troll.

She grabbed the sides of his face and examined his eyes, before running her hand through his fur and down his distended abdomen. "So he's not pregnant?" She asked bluntly and John's eyes almost flew off his face in pure shock and distaste of the question

"What- no! I- Tavvys a boy!" He nearly shrieked. Jesus maybe this was a bad idea.

"Trolls are hermaphrodites," She said calmly and ignored the unmanly shriek as she went on to give Tavros a physical exam.

"Wait- what? I thought they-", John was cut off by the vet. 

"It means they have both sexes" she interrupted John and tried turning Tavros onto his back, earning a loud growl from Gamzee. She ignored him like John and pressed her stethoscope to Tavros's stomach.

"It means all trolls can and breed and get bred. It's easier for lowerbloods due to their warm nature, but even Gamzee can get pregnant" she hummed cheerfully as she listened to several tiny heartbeats.  
John, for better words, looked like he just took one hard kick to the dick. Ugh, no fucking wonder they said you should put Tavros on "the pill". One more point for John Egbert in dumbass. He always just thought they kept confusing him because of how pretty he was.

"O-oh- of course, I just...forgot.. Heh, heh" he looked at Tavros nervously, but the troll only looked back with big brown, almost bored eyes."U-uh, but just to know, what do I do when he has uh...pups?" He honestly didn't know the right word for baby trolls. There was like five.

Before John left the office was given a list of dos and do not's for the next few months(along with a hefty bill). Never has he treasured a piece of paper more. He read every word like scripture and even bought a "baby troll" care book.

All in all, though, everything seemed pretty calm; Tavros was always either sleeping or carrying off some blanket to god knows where, and Gamzee just followed the swollen troll wherever he went. It was a bit heartbreaking to no longer have a living alarm clock or have Tavros tackle him every day after work, but he figured it was manageable.

Until one day he couldn't find either troll and was having a panic attack thinking they had gone outside. The list said that's a no-no. Oh god.

The first person John could get over to look for them was Dave, and he wasn't too enthusiastic. That was, until the mention of baby trolls, then all sultry stares are thrown out the window. Dave is too predictable.

"So what happened to Garfield and Oddie? They go out in the big city?" Dave asked nonchalantly while John flipped over his couch. No sign of Tavvy...again.

"He's not fat! He's pregnant. And I can't find him or Gamzee" John grumbled, not having Tavros was making him irritable. He hoped he was at least still inside.

"Damn Egbert, you're really going full-on grandpa about this" Dave smirked and walked in the kitchen. "You check the cabinets? Karkat always gets stuck in those" he opened one and braced himself to get pounced on.

"Unlike you, my trolls can't fit in a teacup" John remarked about the furious furry-ball mutant Dave kept. 

"Damn, don't be throwing shade Kar's way, he'll know" That was probaly true, Karkat always knew when someone was talking shit. All the time.

"Whatever, check the stupid cabinets" John snapped, throwing couch pillows aside.

"No need to act so preggers here, Johnny. Tav's already doing that for you" Dave hummed and opened the dishwasher. Was he even looking? why would they be in the dishwasher?

"Not the time Dave I need-" a loud boof interrupted John and the human turned to the hallway to see Gamzee walking his way. The broad troll, smug smile big as ever, trot into the living room and dropped from his maw, what could have easily been mistaken as a ball of fuzz; tiny, round, fluffy, and pure white. Before a so-so small light grey head perked up and whined, all upset and fussy.

John's mouth gaped open before he heard a bang against the table as Dave ran over to look at the whining ball of fur. The man loves his baby trolls.

Gamzee, who so far had just been sitting smugly and wagging his tail, paused his pompous self-righteous mood to growl at the blonde. It was the deepest growl John's ever heard and spoke "back off" in every gravel. Just as soon as Dave stepped back, Gamzee went back to wagging his tail and even boofed proudly at John.

"hey Gam" John smiled and scratched under the troll's chin and turned his gaze back down at the wiggling, whining white ball before it whined loud enough to get Gamzee' picking it back up in his mouth. Now in a hurry, Gamzee ran down the hall and led John the half-open coat closet.  
Inside John found nearly every blanket in the house all ruffled and turned into a plush nest of fabrics, and on top of it all was Tavros with five more sleeping balls of white fur. Gamzee swiftly put the pup back in the nest before Tavros could snap at him and fled.

"Really, Tav? You got the whole house at your choosing, and you pick the dusty the closet? Not even in winter?" John rubbed the bridge of his nose but soon felt himself smiling when Tavvy started licking the sixth pup. He had to admit, these damn things were adorable. How they were all curled up into tiny piles of fur, with their teeny tiny paws sticking out every which way. He could even see the bright orange nubs where their horns began.

"Can I like, take them all home?" Dave said, now crouched on the floor, beaming at them in what had to be the manliest way possible by making baby noises and saying "Dere so cute" as he watched them under Gamzee's scrutiny. The purpleblood sat on guard and boofed at the blonde every time he got closer, but Tavros didn't look like he cared, so John picked one up.

The pup was hardly a handful, and it almost made John frightened to hold it. Tavros, after recognizing one of his precious lumps of fur had vanished, looked up at John with narrowed brown eyes. John ignored him in favor of running his hand over the fluffy white fur and rubbed his thumb behind one plush ear. It was only when the pup let out a loud whine that John noticed how loud Tavros was growling.

"I get it, jeez" he huffed and sat the pup down. "Hey, why don't they have any color on their tails?" he asked, running a finger down one small white tail before jerking back when Tav snapped at his hand.

"Keeps other trolls from knowing their blood color," Dave said absentmindedly, now lying on his stomach and throwing his feet back in forth like a kid while he watched the puppies twitch and squirm in their sleep. "I think I want this one" he pointed to one pup that had a big cowlick on its forehead, making its hair look fluffed out and a little like Tavros.

"Awww, he looks like Tavvy" John mumbled and watched the pups start to latch onto Tav. It was still kinda weird seeing Tavros like this, with a bunch of pups on him. But that's John's own dumb fault for not knowing he could even get pregnant. Gamzee, after getting fed up at Dave for trying to touch his pups, let out a much louder boof than before and nudged the two humans out and away from his fluffy family, tail still wagging wildly. John was able to catch a glimpse of him running his muzzle up and down the pups; sniffing them gently, just before they finally got the hint and left.

"You like being a grandpa, huh, Egbert?" Dave, no longer visibly excited, asked. They could both see Gamzee's rear end sticking out of the closet from the living room and had a good chuckle when they saw him jump back and hit the wall when Tavros started growling again.

John had a feeling he was going to like being a grandpa, even if the pups chewed and tore up his couch, their cuteness made up for it. It wouldn't be for too long anyways. Trolls didn't keep their progeny and John wasn't feeling up to feeding eight trolls every morning. "Hey Rose still works at that troll adoption center, right?"

"Yup" Dave answered, totally not trying to get close enough to the door that he could hear the pups. Totally not. That's so not his style.

"Sweet" John smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I fucking love LittleSnowCloud's petstuck story! Its so cute and silly and makes me think of a dysfunctional non-functional family. Also there's no way Dave doesn't love baby trolls, they're the most precious thing on this weird planet. 
> 
> I have a bunch of petstuck headcannons but one of my favorites is probaly that Trolls can't be spayed/neutered but have to be given pills to control their reproductive hormones. I used to work at a vet clinic and saw a lot of "snipping" get done, so that one makes me a lot more at ease.
> 
> I hope y'all like this because I think its pretty cute.


End file.
